A Breeze Upon My Face
by MissKitty4Adam
Summary: A story of a modern-day and lonely woman, a beloved cat and, ultimately, the man of her dreams…whose advice will change her life forever…This is a story of new beginnings and the hope for a better time despite the haunting past…


Notes: _ **Except for Marty, my beloved in the picture who died from cancer almost two years ago, none of the real events in this story actually happened. I also only made this AU for "The Crucible" just for this one story. I wrote this little story in a mysterious first person to give it a more personal and applicable quality. It is meant as a inspirational piece based off of a challenge, "What would you do if you woke up transformed with your favorite Cartwright bending over you in the Bonanza Universe and he was asking you to go to the Valentine's Day Dance in town?"(Thanks to BettyHT for the fun challenge!)  
**_

It was the night before Valentine's Day. I watched with a detached air as the cordless phone slipped out of my hand and clicked back into its charger. The man who I thought I would spend my life with had just called and terminated our engagement. Three years. For three years, I had waited for him to make a move and when he finally did last fall, I couldn't believe it. He wasn't the best thing to look at but, at forty years of age, I wasn't getting any younger and I was so tired of living alone. Well, it looked like that wouldn't be changing any time soon.

I sighed, not even able to cry. There just wasn't anything left in me except a deep, dark hole. I glanced over to my bookcase where my private dream was housed. I stood and shuffled over to the rows of DVD cases all bearing the name "Bonanza" on their sides. My fingers glided over the smooth plastic until they pulled one solitary case from its companions. Tears blurred my vision as my index finger traced the smiling faces of "my boys". Handsome Joe with his merry laughter, Hoss with his teddy-bear strength, Ben with his rugged wisdom and…my finger stopped beside the last person smiling on the cover. He wasn't smiling as wide and he wasn't even in the foreground. Unassuming in black, he stayed behind the others but his dark-hazel eyes would have burned a hole through the plastic if they had been fire. I realized that I didn't love him so much for his physical appeal, although it was beyond impressive, but for his ability to conquer over life's challenges and blatant unfairness. I had often wondered how he did it. What did he think? How did he think? How did he stop thinking about painful memories? I wished with all of my heart that I could spend the day with him the next day so that I could ask him personally.

Another sigh escaped my lips as I sank back down into the couch cushions and pulled an aphgan over my drawn-up legs. Marty, my black and white cat, jumped up on my lap and melted into my arms as he purred. I stroked his soft, vibrating fur and the dim light in the room as the sun set began to take its toll. My eyes closed in sleep and I drifted into the only release I could get for a tired heart…...

Where was that light coming from? My eyes scrunched in pain as blinding whiteness fell away to reveal a panorama of tree tops above me. They rustled and played in the fresh breeze and I could hear birds singing about in the branches far above me. I filled my lungs with that cool, fresh air and the final vestiges of fog in my brain vanished. I turned my head to the left and I saw two horses tethered to a tree quite a distance away. My head turned to the right and my heart leapt into a rapid, beating rhythm. It was him…the same breeze was ruffling his black hair and making the collar of his white shirt flap gently. His eyes were dark and worried and his touch gentle as he patted my cheek.

I stalled for time while I attempted to get my bearings. "Where…am I?"

His rich and familiar voice did little to help my confusion. "On the Ponderosa. We went for a drive remember? You said you wanted to see the lake. When I started talking about the dance, you fainted. Are you sure that you are alright?"

I looked past him to the lapping waters of the lake off a few feet behind him. It was beginning to come back to me now. I nodded, slowly sat up and rubbed my head. "I'm sorry for being so silly. What were you trying to tell me?"

Adam chuckled and pulled me to my feet gently while supporting me at the same time…in his arms. I was hesitant to actually touch him because if I did, would he disappear? He must have sensed my tension because he drew back to gaze into my face. "You're not mad at me are you, darlin'? When I asked you to the Valentine Day's dance, I didn't think it would upset you. We could do something else if you're worried."

I was even more confused. "Worried about what?"

"About being seen with me in public."

"Why would I be worried about that?"

He searched my face and then smiled in a distant way. "You must have suffered some memory loss when you hit your head. I better go back to the Ponderosa to get a buggy to take you home."

I quickly grabbed his upper arms and restrained him from moving away. "No, no, I'll be fine. I'm feeling just fine now. Maybe if you told me a little of what has happened recently, I would recall the rest of it."

Adam's arms dropped from around my waist and he moved off towards the lake. The sun silhouetted his strong frame as he leaned to the side as if in thought. I stepped up to his side to inquire further but I was distracted by my appearance as it was distorted in the clear, lapping water of Lake Tahoe. A beautiful, slim woman dressed in an attractive light-blue riding outfit complete with a black riding skirt greeted my astonished eyes. Her soft, blonde hair was falling in generous waves about her spotless face and her clothes accentuated her proper curves to perfection. Next to the tanned, darkly-featured man, that woman was a perfect compliment. _That model couldn't be me,_ I thought– _plain, short-haired and awkward ME?_ …but, when I turned my head to look at Adam, the woman's head moved as well.

"What's wrong, Adam? What is it?"

I was disconcerted to see pain in his eyes when he turned to me. I placed "the woman's" dainty hand on his forearm. He covered "my" hand with his own warm one and then he gazed out over the lake. His voice trembled slightly. "Three months ago…you saved my life. My family found me out in the desert, half-dead. Later, Pa told me that I only continued to lose my grip on life until…we came upon your cabin in the hills." My heart melted as his eyes were turned towards me. Tears sprang into being in mine and I felt one roll down my right cheek. I shivered when he placed a hand on my waist and drew me near. Again, I didn't know what to do but was so caught up in the moment that I didn't care.

He continued in a whisper that wafted his sweet breath over my face. "You saved me, sweetheart. I was able to recuperate and then I brought you back with me to Virginia City. Stories of what happened out in the desert are beginning to run wild though. People think I was up to no good instead of just being lost. They think it suspicious with all of the Indian trouble that has started. Are you beginning to remember now?"

In order to make him continue, I nodded as I thought of a point of reference in an episode. "You were kidnapped by…Kane, wasn't it?"

He grimaced, his mouth turned into a pout and I saw his Adam's apple bob. "How did you know about him?"

A little frightened, I lied based off of what he had said. "You talked in your sleep."

He seemed satisfied with that answer. "Why didn't you ever tell me that you knew? I only ever made it known that I had been lost in the desert."

Remembrance of the many TV hours watching as his superior intellect was put to the test jumped into my alternate reality's memory. He was making comebacks to my fibs so fast I couldn't keep up so I resolved to continue bluffing my way through. "It seemed to pain you. I didn't want to dredge up bad memories, not when they were beginning to disappear."

"Not disappear. They never disappear," Adam parted from me again and moved to sit on a boulder overlooking the lake. I gingerly stepped to lean against the rock. I knew I should let it go but…I needed to know…had to know.

"Adam?"

"Hmm?"

"How do you…how do you go on? How do you live with it? With the pain?"

"Do I have a choice?"

I was taken aback. "I suppose…some choose…"

Adam continued to give his appreciation to the water's beauty as he interrupted in a lifeless tone. "What?… Suicide?…Whiskey?…Women?… I've never had much stomach for the first two and as for the third, I have too much respect for them to use them as an escape. Besides, running away is a coward's business and brings little profit to the industrious."

For a foreign reason, I felt anger rise against him from within myself. "Well, not everyone is as strong as you are, I guess, Adam Cartwright!" With that, I whirled to stalk to the horses waiting for us but running footsteps heralded the blocking of my path by _him_.

Iron fingers gripped my upper arms but his hands held me back gently in their rose again as I struggled against his grip and I weakly pounded my fists on his chest."How dare you judge me! Let me go! You don't know the loneliness I feel sometimes, the hopelessness! The longing for innocence! I just…want…to forget!"

He shook my shoulders hard to snap me out of my hysterics. "I know!" I froze and stared wide-eyed into his face. His eyes were glistening, his voice choked. "I know…it's pure hell…not being able to get anyone to understand what you went through…unable to put into words the impact that it has had on your life…believe me…I know all too well. But, one has to go on living, if only for the little things everyday that make life worth the fight. Can you understand that, my love?"

His hand floated along my wet cheek and moved to grip the back of my neck. I seemed to lose all strength as I crumbled into his chest and he held me close in his strong arms while I sobbed out my pain, my inadequacy, my loss of hope for a new day filled with possibilities. When I quieted, he handed me a handkerchief but kept me close to himself. As I finished blowing my nose, I felt the same hand brushing "my" blonde hair back from my face. I looked up and he cupped my face loosely with his long fingers and removed the tear streaks with his thumbs.

"We are cut from the same cloth, aren't we? Hoss would say that we are stubborn as Missouri mules and he's not far from the truth on that one. We both insist on keeping our feelings hidden until they boil over. That sounds more like Joe, doesn't it? Pa always said that I was more like my little brother than I realize."

I couldn't help but smile and giggle tearfully along with him. But, then he sobered, his honey-brown eyes darkened with desire and the next thing I knew, I was pressed up against him and his nose was a half of an inch from my own. I tensed, again not sure of what to do but then he smiled as his eyes fluttered up and down my face, moving from my mouth to my eyes then back again. When his kiss came, it was just as gentle and overpowering as I had always imagined. Unafraid, I let him engulf me in his embrace for a cascading and euphoric kiss before he pulled back, smiled and sported a boyish grin. "Now, what about that dance?"

I tenderly kissed the scar on his lip, my own fingers caressing his powerful chest, and I whispered, "You read my mind…" Then I hooked my hands behind his neck and pulled him to myself for another amazing kiss. Never before had I felt such completeness of thought and body as his lips found their way into my soul it seemed to me. They were so soft, so subtle yet were filled with love and I knew that he truly wanted me. For the first time in my life, I felt wanted for who I was instead of what I could give. A sob caught in my throat and a tear trickled down my cheek which my love was quick to kiss away.

That night, we strolled in the moonlight outside of the Virginia City town hall and Adam pointed out as many constellations as he could find. The music from the dance surrounded us in a fairy-tale like happiness. At long last, he turned to me in silence and moved in for a kiss. His soft lips met mine and I reveled in his warmth as his arms stole around my body. His endless eyes gleamed when he opened them. I smiled in contentment but knew then that it was time…the beat of his heart under my hand began to take on a strange vibrating sensation and his warm smile became obscured by the blinding whiteness. My last thought as he faded from view was… _Thank you, my precious darling, I'll never forget you…_

The vibrating sensation under my hand materialized into my beloved Marty who glanced up when I stirred and he blinked in the dim light of morning.

"Are you ready for something to eat, my pet?" I asked him with a smile. He blinked even slower in the universal language of a cat's adoration. I saw the fur at his throat began to vibrate as his eyes softened. After I had fed him and tidied my apartment, I found myself in front of the bathroom mirror. Taking a deep breath, I picked out the things I liked best about my questionable appearance and began to enhance those qualities. When I was done with the make-up kit, I started in on my hair. It took a few minutes but I was able to shape my short, blond locks of hair into a fashionable style. Marty padded his way behind me on my way to my closet. I picked out an attractive knee-length dress of black and white design that helped to hide my extra assets. With a triumphant smile, I did the clasp to a jeweled necklace given me by my now ex-boyfriend that went perfectly with my outfit. I slipped on a pair of forgotten black high-heels from my closet, blew a kiss in my best friend's direction and grabbed my purse on my way out the door.

Today was a new day and I was going to find those things that he had referred to…those little things that made life worth the fight and, boy, was it ever in for one heck of a fight! I was desirable and I was beautiful, I told myself; as long as I remembered that, others would be attracted to my confidence in myself. I got into my car and started the engine. I hummed a reminiscent tune of a dance and tapped the steering wheel of my black Honda Coupe in tune as I drove to my favorite restaurant for a pampering breakfast. A welcoming green traffic light turned red and the car glided to a halt at the white line.

A man dressed in a black overcoat and a gray hat pulled down low over his face began to walk across the crosswalk in front of my line of vision. His head turned in my direction and I gasped. A smile containing white teeth and a faint scar above his upper-left lip flashed in a tanned face. Then he was obscured as the cars started up again on their merry way. I parked my car on the shoulder as soon as possible and I jumped out. I opened my mouth to call to the mystery man but when he turned around, I saw that it wasn't _him_. Telling myself how silly I was, I approached the pleasant looking man who had a questioning look on his face.

"I'm so sorry. I thought you were someone else. I hope you have a good day..." With a smile, I turned to go but his voice stopped me.

"Wait! Haven't we met somewhere before?"

I turned back around. "I don't think so."

He took off his hat and held it loosely in his hands. His body leaned on one leg as he smiled again. There was something so familiar and yet so illusive about his appearance. His hazel eyes twinkled with merriment. "Would you like to have a cup of coffee together? Maybe even some breakfast? I swear that I can remember meeting you somewhere before."

I smiled as I took his proffered arm and together we crossed the street to a donut shop. He held the door open for me and as he came in behind me, he said, "Maybe if you told me a little of what has happened recently, I could recall your name."

I watched his lips move as he spoke and all I could reply was, "You read my mind…"


End file.
